In a slump? Here’s what I did to get out of mine

Last week, I hit one of my lowest lows I’ve hit in a while. It hit a few days before the full moon and lasted until about today (5-days). Related to the full moon? Quite possible, learning more about the moon cycles and their effect on us is certainly something I want to learn more about. But this one got me hard. Last month was full of me experimenting with life and lots of negative things happened that as each one came, I attempted to see the good in, but as they piled up, it became more and more difficult to keep my good spirits up about it all. Today— the skies finally began to part and I’m back on my A-game. Or getting there at least! Here’s some tactics I used as all of this was unfolding.

Asking: How is this for me?

I believe all things happen for a reason, and often times to open my attention or awareness to something. So in the instance that my brand new phone got stolen, I thought ‘Okay, how can this actually be a blessing? What is this here to show me?’ And my immediate thought was, ‘Well maybe I can actually start to use the nicer camera that I have.’ It’s a mirrorless point and shoot that I’ve had for years now, dabbled with a tad, intended to youtube with, but never fully learned to use it to it’s full potential. So many opportunities to be creative with it and the quality is actually far greater than that of the new iPhone. The iPhone had its perks when it came to accessibility and stabilization, but other than that, my camera far outperforms it especially if it’s full functionality is understood. So started taking that baby out and it’s been really cool.

Asking how this is for me, helps me feel more empowered in a situation where I might otherwise feel powerless and like a victim. The truth here is, that I have no control over how the situation went down, sure in hindsight are there things I could have done to prevent it— probably, but it happened how it happened and the only thing I can control is how I respond to it and move forward. Moping isn’t going to bring my phone back, so I decided to see what good there is to come from this. And that helped me actually shift focus to some of the goals I’d had. Learn to use my camera, edit the videos I’d filmed, share some content. So here we are!

Listen to instrumental music

I say instrumental here because I realized music with lyrics can be hyper charged with emotion. Sometimes it’s been good for me to recognize my emotions through music, but to get myself out of a slump, listening to music that reflects my current state actually makes me spiral more. When It’s instrumental, I find my mind can be void of thought much easier. I’ve also found that thought is often what provokes the downward spiral even further. The absence of thought helps me reach a point of neutrality. A few of my favorites on Spotify are ‘Deep Sleep’ and ‘Focus Flow.’ Once I’m at a more positive state, I can shift to something with more positive messaging, but still instrumental is my choice for many reasons.

Notice the beauty around & seek nature

The logical side of me realizes I’m traveling, there are volcanoes around me for goodness sake, why am I so sad. So I was walking through the streets and the path converged into this square with trees and fountains and kids running around playing and I looked up at the purple blooms on one of the trees and was like dang that’s beautiful. And started taking in the sights and sounds that were right in front of me and it was as if in an instant I started feeling lighter. It’s interesting here to note that walking in a maze of buildings, even though there is beauty off in the distance and even though the buildings are beautiful, keeps my brain in a locked in mode. It was when I was up close and personal with nature that the feelings started to dissipate. So I’ve made a point everyday since to go to a place with trees, and just sit with the stillness, notice the natural beauty, breathe it in, be with it. That has made such a difference.

Take time to rest

For the first time in my life, I think I’m realizing what it is to rest. Usually I take my laptop with me or a journal or something to keep me occupied, but this time I just took myself on a walk, I took myself to the park, I read a book because I wanted to, I sat in a cafe and fed myself nice food. And I took a nap. Yes, a nap. And that for me is unheard of. But it was exactly what I needed. After a day of super long napping and another day of a shorter nap along with other practices mentioned above, I woke up just happier. So rest is good, especially when your a productive-a-holic.

Take yourself out and let your inner child play

This is a fun one, and one I’ll likely take into my everyday life. But legit, I just went wherever my curiosity took me, wandering the streets. I even skipped down the middle of the cobblestone road and smiled and said ‘Hola’ to everyone I passed by just as kids do and you know what— people smiled and said ‘Hola’ back and that made me actually smile. Being a kid is so fun.

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So yeah, those are the things that helped me this round. There’s definitely more mindset wise that clicked and shifted, but these are the actionable that definitely helped me shift to a more positive state. I’m adding these to my toolkit and plan to add them to daily life too as a sort of ‘preventative medicine’ of sorts. Looking forward to seeing where this new positive streak will take me! Hope you can find something useful in this for yourself too!

Love ya! Stay true & be you!

Recurring cycles are lessons we have yet to learn

I’ve been traveling the world for almost 3-months now. Last week, I hit one of my cycles of feeling sad, down and empty. You’d think traveling would make me the happiest person in the world, but the reality is—

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you

This sentiment has never rung more true. I’ve felt it a bit each time I’ve arrived in a new country, it lasts about 3-days, each time my hope being ‘This will be the place that makes me feel whole again.’ And when it doesn’t I hit a momentary sadness and thoughts of..

‘Will I ever find what will fulfill me?’

Well this happened again, and with a vengeance after my month in Colombia. It was there that I started to open my heart romantically again and to be blunt, it got a bit crushed. It was one event after another, but on reflection, I realized that I’ve been looking for places, people and experiences to fill this void, and the reality is— the only person who can fill this void is… me.

Yupppp, that’s what I learned in this one—

Wholeness doesn’t come from outside of me, it comes from within me

Whoa. Hold the phone. Gosh could you have hit me over the head with this one any harder— yes, yes you could, and quite frankly I’m glad I realized it now before it got the chance to really make sure I learned the lesson. But now is the time for me to learn it. I set off on this journey knowing it was for personal growth, dedicating myself to myself and self-discovery as I am traveling through the world, and I got off track.

All the events that happened just helped me get back to myself

So I thank them. Doesn’t mean they weren’t hard to go through, but they were there to show me something. And now I see, boy do I see!

So this cycle was to say, what would happen if you gave yourself the same thought, care and energy that you’re so willing to give others. Go on, give it a try. Through allowing others into my life, it allowed me to see what I ‘needed’ from them that was making me feel more whole.

It opened my eyes to all the areas I can show up for myself more

It helped me see where my inner self is seeking more love. And that’s all up to me to provide it.

I strongly believe that if we can come together with another human as our best selves, we can make 1+1=3! It can be that magical. But it can only be that magical if both come in as their whole selves. And I most certainly was coming in feeling less than whole. This is what needs to be addressed.

This is where my focus should flow

How can I make myself feel whole, so I can be met with someone else who also feels full. Because the alternative isn’t pretty. And I know because I’ve already experienced that bit, a few times. If I come in less than, I’m seeking someone who is more than to give up some of themselves for me. And if they’re coming in less than, they’re looking for me to give up some of me for them. And that’s never good for anyone. But if we both come in completely full, our cups just overflow with goodness when we combine them and no one ever has to give any of themselves away.

That’s what I want.

So now,

I live to make myself whole— to fill my own voids

And that is where the work, but also immense joy comes in.

The first step, is in awareness—

And identifying what those voids even are.

Oye— here we go!

Mo.2.5 Travel Reflection

Traveling constantly may seem like the dream, but it’s definitely taken me some time to adjust to. I didn’t realize how many realities I’d be hit with and how much I’d have to face myself during this time. I’ve been traveling 2.5 months now and only now do I feel like I’m getting my footing and finding my flow. Much of it has been trial and error in how to adapt with this lifestyle and also quite a bit more realizing wherever you go, you take yourself with you. I’ve not shared much of the past two months because I’ve needed the time for myself to adjust, but luckily I did still document it! So that will still be rolling out, just a bit delayed.

Look good, feel good

I realized that my external environment has a huge impact on my internal sense of wellbeing. After a brief slump,

I started to pay attention to what makes me feel better—

And what contributes to my downward spiral. Enjoying my appearance is a huge part of that. Liking what I wear, wearing contacts, just generally feeling put together actually makes me feel more put together and in charge of my life. I’d like to think that was the last of my spirals, especially knowing that I can take a part in making sure I keep feeling good. I started to realize this last month and decided to donate the clothes that I just didn’t feel great in. So today when I walked past a local shop, I found some replacements— and things I truly feel good in. I’d love to design my own line, but until then I’m really happy with my finds. The shop was also very neat— half a resale shop and half that were textiles made by local artist. The clothing was a mix of embellished patterns on resale pieces and a few that were a more modern twist on some of the local textile styles I’ve seen around town in Guatemala.

What I’m learning in my first week living abroad

This journey has been incredible. I still cannot believe I am here. The first week has felt like an entire month has gone by. The sights, the sounds, but mostly the people are what are making this. I’m learning more and more that it’s the people that

It’s all about the people

Hands down, my absolute favorite part of my trip so far has been getting to know and spend time with all of the people I am traveling with for the year. Hearing their stories, their insights, their joys, their fears, their experiences, what they’re excited for, what brought them here, why they are doing this. People are incredible and these people are some of the most beautiful humans I’ve met. It’s wild to think I’ve only known them for a week. There’s something so unique that happens when you bring together a group of people, none knowing another, and throwing them into a new environment together— a sort of instantaneous bond forms. I’d been thinking I’ve never done anything like this trip before, but really, I’ve done it many times before. I did it when I went to intern at Disney World and worked with people from all over the world— no one knew a soul, but some of my best friends came from there, and I imagine some of my best friends will come from here too.

They are the most interesting part of this trip.

Peru: Wk.1 Travel Reflection

I’ve now been in Lima, Peru for a week and it feels like a month has gone by. It’s incredible to experience the passing of time in a whole new way going from Covid sameness to a world of newness— people, places and experiences. Here’s the highlights from the week:

meeting my TRAVEL FAM

I’m traveling with 15 other people in my immediate group. The first week, we only had 11 of us as a few were waiting on negative covid results after testing positive. They’ll be joining us in week-2. We will also be joined by another program who got re-routed since Asia is currently closed due to Covid. They’re a group of 22 so will add quite a few to our numbers. So far I’m so pleased with all of the people here. We gelled instantly and have had dinners and different bonding events every night of the week. Since this is a work and travel program, most spend the days working in the cowork space and then we meet up late afternoon/evening.

We’re super lucky this month to all be living in the same building, have a cowork space in the building and a restaurant & cafe downstairs. It’s super common to run into people in the elevator, grabbing a bite downstairs or at the workspace and connect. It’s lent well to impromptu walks, coffee/lunch/dinner dates and all around bonding! The other countries we visit, we’ll be spread across the city in different apartment buildings, so we’re really taking advantage of the time here to get to know each other.

first glimpses of LIMA

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Zero to Launch: Day 001

— Friday, December 17, 2021, 12:30am —

Today started off strong, but now at the end I’m feeling exhausted.

Did I do better than yesterday. Yes. Was the last half frustrating? Yes.

My goal is to document as I go—

In theory, this is great. In actuality it makes 1 task turn into 10 tasks, with each being dependent on the other.

Create new website, film making the new website, create hub for sharing filmed content, editing/sharing filmed content, setting up accounts to share content, optimize shared content. I know most of this will get better as I go along, but what I’m most frustrated by is not even getting to the creative part I wanted to work on and being stuck in the admin bits of it. I know they’re required, but maybe too I’m jumping into them too quickly, trying to optimize them too soon. But I want to document this. I think it would be amazing to have a record of it. But even that process takes time and then coordinating when to edit it without having an entire stockpile.

I think I’m going to have to chunk my days and expect the journey to take longer than if I were just catapulting everything forward. It’s either that or do everything twice— once to completion and a second time as a tutorial. Which might not be the worst idea.

Basically, I feel in the trap of the logistics.

What went well today?

• Posted 3x TikTok videos (AKA overcame the fear of sharing! Cuz one was of me singing and dancing :D)

• Conceptualized direction of website & how to connect all my interests

• Landed on keeping my domain & handles as tara terpstra derivatives (double checked all)

• Making the homepage itself say, welcome to the tara portal rather than it be a separate project or pseudo name

• Came up with the tagline ‘Where dreamers come to expand their world.’ I’ll probably change it based on copywriting best practices, but for now I like it

• Chose a temp image for the homepage banner that closely fits my concept (only took like 2 min! go me curbing that perfectionism!!)

• Activated a patreon account

• Started list/rough video of SquareSpace tutorial content based on things I needed to look up/wasn’t super intuitive to figure out

Tasks & Thoughts as result of today’s activities:

• Patreon— NEED: Profile picture, banner, description to be complete profile. THEN NEED: Tier rewards & merch designs

• Socials— LIKE: Universal profile picture, banner and description across platforms to present a unified brand. Signal to audience they’re in the right place

• Share— SquareSpace tutorials videos, where to post/how to film (Is the one I did too rough?) Ultimately, I’d like to create a database to share all these tips. Like a quick resource guide on the fly, get to the point so you can get your answer quickly and stay in your flow. Maybe the easiest way to do this is to create a blog post about each one. Focus on building the blog first and doing video second. I can always come back and record the content on the blog and it will already be documented here. Wow did we just solve our problem by making this blog post!!

— MIND THOUGHTS—

I think I’m feeling the pressure of jumping into video. I love the idea of it, but the execution of it brings on so many skillsets that are new to me. Video editing for one, plus all the setup to actually get good picture— understanding camera settings, lighting, framing the composition, audio, getting all the shots to make it interesting, tumbnail images and outlines and scripting and soooo much, not to mention actually editing and posting the thing! It’s a bit overwhelming. I know it’s where I want to go with it, but right now blogging feels like it comes so much easier. Ha! I never EVER thought those words would come out of me. You’re funny universe. Okay so blogging it is. Honestly it’s great because I can write. Learn to outline my thoughts (or practice rather, for scripting), create graphics for the posts, use screenshots and articulate my way through the choices, thought processes, basically everything I did here. Okay cool, so that’s the plan.

Self-Love Progress—

Lol. Blank.