Mo.6 Travel Reflection

Somehow I’m now in
South Africa in MONTH 6
of my year-long travel journey. 

I thought I’d be sharing every step along the way in real time, but every time I went to post I had a hard time figuring out how to actually share the reality of what this journey actually is.

I’ve hardly posted on social media because I knew I didn’t want to share the ‘life is great’ instagram version because honestly for as much outward beauty as there has been, it’s also been one of the most challenging experiences of my life and in ways I never expected. I did expect to be faced with cultural differences and be exposed to different ways of living, but that ended up being far easier to navigate.

The most difficult part to face was that ‘Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.’

Between living the ‘dream life’ and stripping away all the knowns, I soon realized that there isn’t a single place on earth that will fill the void that’s lived inside of me. There isn’t even a single thing that exists outside of me that can take it away. The only thing that can fill that void is, well, my relationship with me. And that, my dear friend, has been the toughest pill to swallow. 

On this journey I realized how much credit I’d given external things for the way my life was playing out and how I felt in it— whether that be location, environment, people, things. If only this then I’ll be happy, if only that then I can be the person I want to be. And after years of trial and error and adding things and stripping things away, on this trip it’s all come to be blatantly clear that my perception of my outward experience is a direct reflection of my inward experience.

What I choose to focus on, is what I will see.

That this feeling I’m searching for, cannot be found anywhere but inside of me. No place or thing or person can make me feel that lasting sense of wholeness I’ve been seeking. The place it can be found comes from deep within me.

It’s one of those things that I’ve heard over and over but doesn’t click until it clicks and when it does it’s like ohhhhhhh, that’s what that meant. I get it now.

It’s a surrender.
It’s a deep acceptance of the fact that I alone am responsible for the quality of my experience.
Only I can determine how I feel in life.
Only I can save me.
Only I can make my life everything I want it to be.
Noone is going to come in and do it for me, nobody can. It’s all up to me.
And that’s not to say the people in our lives don’t play a part, they certainly do, but they are not responsible for our happiness or sadness or sense of fulfillment or anything really, that is all on me.

And that, that is the journey of me coming back to me. 

---

Here I am. 

I’ve had to face the fact that I feel how I feel because I allow myself to.

I think what I think because of the thoughts that I allow to be entertained.

My life experience is a direct reflection of what I allow into my life, what I feel I am worthy of, what I feel I deserve, how much I value myself.

I realize that my outer world is a direct reflection of my inner world.

My state of mind, is the state of my beliefs about myself. I used others to determine my own worth and value, but really they serve as reflections of myself— a way to see all the ways I am lacking or have fallen short in my own eyes.

I realize that the love I had for myself was conditional.

That I placed my value in what I was able to achieve. And with that perspective, I would never be enough to myself, because there would always be the need for more.

When I step back and look at where my life is now compared to 2, 5, 10 years ago, past me would have been amazed at where I am now. Yet why does current me feel like I’m not enough.

These are the kinds of questions I’ve been exploring on this journey.

Looking into what it is to be human, what it is to have this life experience, what it is to love, especially ourselves.

I had no idea how little regard I had for myself.

I realized I would shift myself to accommodate those around me, even to my own detriment. That I was afraid of rocking the boat or being an inconvenience. I was afraid of taking up space. I’d dismiss my own thoughts, wants and needs for the sake of being agreeable and accepted. And since I never expressed my own needs, I’d expect people to know how to fill them and to read me the way I’d learned to read them.

I was looking for someone to look after me the way I look after them. I also realized what an impossible task that actually is. And I learned the way I care, is the way I want to be cared for.

And that the best person to give myself that care I seek is me.

Because if we really think about it, how much easier would it make things if everyone just looked after themselves, like truly took great care to nourish their own sense of wellbeing.

How would I show up for others if I were already completely taken care of in my own being. What would a world like that even look like. And it’s a world I’d actually really like to see.

Because if everyone is coming together with their glasses already full, then all that’s left is for us to enjoy each other.

It is through our pain and fears and insecurities, unresolved traumas that I feel all suffering stems from.

If we can heal those within ourselves and fill our own cups, what a world that could be. 

There’s something someone once illustrated to me and that’s the image of two glasses that are half full. If one gives to the other, then someone is always left feeling like less than when they started, and an equal exchange leaves them feeling the same. But if somehow we are able to fill our own cup from within and get it to a place where it is then overflowing, all the runoff we can share with others and never feel less than full on our own.

As long as we are overflowing, we can give without depleting ourselves we remain whole.

And that is what I am learning now to do. To fill my own cup.

It seems everyday there is a new lesson or experiment in what that looks and feels like.

It’s a lot of trial and error and the releasing of expectations.

It is everything and nothing.

It is simply the art of being.

I don’t need to learn to love myself, I need to learn to love being myself.

And that feels far more tangible endeavor. 

Over the past 5 months, every experience has provided breadcrumbs and helped me put together the pieces of this puzzle, helped me solve the mystery of what this is and what it looks like.

All the pieces are starting to come together now and since they are…

I feel like now I can reflect on and share what I have come to see. 

To do this, I’ll be taking you back to the beginning of this journey. 

And for that, WE MUST GO TO PERU.

— to be continued —

Lisbon, Portugal: D.1 Travel Reflection

We made it to Lisbon!!! Europe portion of the trip here we are! Check out the first full day below :)

Today I…

Am grateful for—

• Coworking with a water view <3

• Breakfast with my fellow Lewies!

• Plans with new friends (socializing with the new program Sistelo)

• Creating videos

• Leaning into the things I enjoy

• The vintage shop on my path, the interaction & finds there!!

• Creating a workflow

• The joy of walking through a new & vibrant city

Explored—

• The waterfront & coworking

• [Name of vintage shop]

• LX Market

Created—

A workflow

1. Explore & capture footage

2. Import footage into Photos

3. Export footage to hard drive

4. Daily reflection

5. Import footage into Premiere

6. Edit!!

7. Export & watchdown

Acts of Self-Love

• Dressed myself up

• Followed my flow

• Created!!

• Fed my body good foods

• Walked everywhere

• Took in some sunshine

• Evening yoga & meditation

• Shared what I created!!

This is 32 ❤︎

Another year older and another year wiser and wow has this world tour adventure ever made me the wiser! It’s been 4-months since I set off on this journey and it’s both everything I thought it would be and way more challenging in ways I never knew it would be. I’ve learned more about myself than I knew possible in such a short span. I am so grateful for the opportunity to embark on this adventure— and by opportunity I mean I’m glad I decided to make this a priority and actually go for it. It required a lot of sacrifice— leaving friends, family, stability, knowns behind— but what I’m gaining I know is bringing me back to myself and from there I can be the best for everybody around me. Thank you for all the love and support! xoxo

What I look forward to embodying this year—

Connection

Since I’ve been traveling, I’ve certainly been connecting with more people inherently, but what I want to focus on now is staying connected to my inner circle. you’d think this would be the easier one, but reality is keeping in touch is a new skill for me. I’ve been more of a responder than a reacher-outer. I’m ready to be a reacher-outer and invite people to share in this journey with me and I in theirs. I really do love people, especially my people. And I’m done letting all the self-negative thoughts get in the way of the beauty that is already there. I’ve been working a lot on re-framing my mindset and this is one place I’d like to put it into action.

Creativity

A major focus up to this point has been on productivity, but what I’ve been learning is that I feel far more fulfilled and whole when I am creating. I realized I’ve taken a passive stance the past few years— doing a lot of learning and absorbing, but not a lot of active applying. This is my wish for myself this year, is that I apply all that I have learned, experiment and enjoy the ride. I’m excited to see what comes from the hands of mine, flows through this spirit and is brought to life! All the world around us is created and I want to be a creator of this world!

Fun

I came across a quote that prompted a shift in perspective— it said instead of learning to love myself, it would be a more worthwhile endeavor to learn to love being myself. And that sentiment has shifted absolutely everything! Of course my life is better when I’m having fun, thinking through the lens of fun, enjoying my time like I did as a kid. What it really challenges me to do is to see life through the same lens of child-like wonder as when I was younger. That spin brings such a positive light, discovery and joy. The fun also is creating memories in what otherwise might be missed in the mundane. It’s a challenge to embrace every moment and be fully present, and I’m here for it!

Growth goals—

Self-love // I’m realizing that caring for my mind/body/soul is the first step in bringing anything else into my life of substance. This also includes being selfish with my time and my energy. It’s filling my own cup first, so that I can share from a cup that is overflowing rather than allowing my own to run empty. It’s a massive shift that is massively important.

Expression // There’s actually quite a bit I’ve been wanting to share and across a few subjects— personal growth/development, creativity and ideas. This growth journey is not an easy one, and I’m so grateful to everyone who has shared theirs and served as a guidepost along the way. I’d like to pass that forward for anyone who can learn and grow from my experience. I’d also like to explore and share the parts of me I’m discovering. By being open with myself, I’m affirming to the part of my brain that likes to keep me safe, that this version of me is welcomed and loved— no need for filters or masks here, we’re free to be.

AcroYoga // I find this art form to be one of the most beautiful. It’s like dance, athleticism and vulnerability all wrapped in one. I’d also love to find a partner— take that as you will ;) To begin though, I’d love to be more in tune with my body— able to move as a wish as a form of expression, flow and connection to myself.

Consistency // It’s finally hitting that the way forward is one step at a time. Lasting change comes from small decisions made everyday. Small things add up to be big things and every day is an opportunity to start anew.

A new perspective—

I’m living into my 33rd year!

Yep! I saw someone who introduced me to this perspective and it’s that instead of marking the completion of a year (32), we could instead celebrate living into the year we’re currently in. I like this idea a lot— she also put it way more eloquently and I’m not even sure I’d be sold on my explanation of it lol so if I can find the original then I’ll update! With that in mind, I’ve just been into numbers lately and here’s what’s on the table for 33!

33 is the number of creativity and spiritual illumination, new opportunities, all things are possible. It’s pretty incredible that these are exactly where my focus is! So I’m running with it!

Designing my life //
Creativity and spiritual illumination

Show up on TikTok

May seem a bit random, but it feels like the best place for me to start sharing my ideas, growth and insights as I’m going through this personal development journey. Not only would I like to document it for myself, but I think it would be a nice way to pass forward all the knowledge and tidbits that have helped me along the way in case they can help someone else too!

Make my website a living log portfolio

I’d love to embody and explore my creativity in all forms, also by documenting. Really I’d like to try and share all the things that interest me. It feels like a way of expressing myself, honoring my voice and exploring what lives within that wants to come out into this world!

Documenting

So as mentioned, both TikTok and my website will be hubs for documenting this journey— but as we know all goals need something measurable. I’d like to hold myself to posting 5x/day on TikTok and 1x/day on my site to document the daily progress and journal. It’s a little nerve-wracking but part of me feels like it could be so freeing just to be an open book. Creatively, I’d like to have at least a project to post 1x/week. If I don’t take myself seriously, who else will!

Projects in mind—

• Daily/Weekly/Monthly Check-ins

• Travels Recaps - Regional/By Country

• Documenting biz building

• Journal to be turned into a visual recap

• Artwork based on travels

• Podcast! Conversations with friends about growth and with people who are designing their life

• So many more. Youtube, creative video art, photography, music, maybe this is why I still haven’t shared cuz there’s so many random things!

PS. In my brain these all sound awesome and a bit lackluster when typed out. All the more reason to bring them to life and reveal what I see in my brain! One at a time!

With fun & love!

xx tara

Better now than never

It’s been 2-weeks since I’ve gone live with my site.

My Intention vs. Reality

My intention was to post daily, starting a cumulation of my insights, travels, experiences, interests, etc. What I get caught up in is overthinking. Everything. What if I were to just produce. What would happen if I just shared.

I’m trying to figure out…

What’s keeping me in this loop

The answer to that, seems to be discipline. Or self-value worth. Even as I write this, it’s me again analyzing rather than just doing. Although this post itself could be considered doing. But what I really want is to create new things. So in an effort to do that, I’m going change things up a bit to create new things!

Try something different

I’ve done a lot of prepping, so now it might be high time to do. Now if you’ve been with me for a while, you’d also know I’ve said this before. I know it all takes practice. So I’ll try to keep in mind being easier on myself, but also following through for myself. So here we go, to what I wish I’d started months ago when this journey began. That I’m also being gentle with myself for the time that’s passed from first having the thought. The only thing to do now, is bring it to life!

It all starts now

I’ve heard before, if you can dream it you can do it. And what is time anyways— I hear it’s a construct. And if we run with that premise then who really cares if it was then or now, the fact is that it is. So, here’s to what this was intended to be. What it is intended to be. To what wants to be brought to life.

MWAH!

The site is LIVE!

Hello World!

This site is liveeeeeeeeeee!

After putting so much pressure on getting this site up and running, I decided ‘Ya know what, I’m just going to make it live with the very minimum and build as I go!’

Done with waiting for perfection and in with imperfect action and iterating.

It’s also going to be such a beautiful journey to share the development of this site, to let you join along and see the growth live in action. Seriously, this is my baby so be prepared for all those milestone announcements and photos that you’d normally get from all your friends that just had a kid ;)

I am just over the moon that this project is live now!

I definitely built it up more in my mind than it needed to be. I think what helped is deciding to launch with the ‘minimum viable product’ if you’re into biz terms. Read BLOG here. I’d built out a home page, scrapped it, built out another one, sat on it, started building out another one and was like what am I doing here. Taking a step back, I realized the important bit is the information being presented. I have such a large backlog of content that I’m so excited to share— so much so that it was daunting thinking about getting it all up on here. But by making it live now, I feel like all that pressure is gone and I can just lead with excitement as each piece goes up. I now appreciate that this is going to be a journey of consistent daily effort.

Out with the bursts of hustle and in with sustainable growth.

Which works well because sustainability is a huge part of what I’ll be talking about on here. I’ll also be talking about fashion, home, food, wellness and mindset— or right and all through the lens of travel. Cuz if you didn’t hear— I’m traveling the world for a yearrrrrr! I’m 3-months in at the point of writing. And dang has it been confronting in so many ways that I didn’t expect. I’ll be sharing more about that too. A huge part of me not sharing so far is that I didn’t want this to be that insta-travel life kind of blog, website, social that seems so unreal and picture perfect and unattainable. This process has been far from perfect, but has also taught me so much and made me be confronted also by sooooo much. The personal growth has been out of this world, the ups and downs as steep as my favorite roller coasters and somehow, I finally found my footing and balance and am ready to launch into this life that I set out to design for myself.

The premise of this site is going to be an expose on designing your life—

All done through the lens of me as I document the journey of me designing mine. The goal is to set out and give back a roadmap for how to get to the life of your dreams. I’ll be pursuing my dream life and sharing all the sides of doing that along the way— the good, the bad, the ugly and also alll the beauty! This is what everything I’ve been doing has been building to and I’m so excited to share it with you. I’m hoping that through my journey, I can inspire you to pursue your dream life too. I also hope you know you always have a friend, cuz it can definitely be a lonely road. This is the road less traveled for sure, but it absolutely doesn’t mean we have to do it alone. So I’ll be there as best I can by sharing my experience so you know a bit of what to expect, gain some insight in how to navigate it and a knowing that this life is possible if you want it. It’s not for everyone, but if you have the calling and urge like me— this is the only way!

So here’s to this new journey ~

The journey of throwing everything out there, seeing what sticks, embarking on the different, entering the unknown, taking a leap of faith and trust and believing in myself and this path I’ve been called to follow. If that rings true to you too, I lead with a resounding—

We’ve got this!

So much love and warmth!

Here we gooooo! <3

Mo.2.5 Travel Reflection

Traveling constantly may seem like the dream, but it’s definitely taken me some time to adjust to. I didn’t realize how many realities I’d be hit with and how much I’d have to face myself during this time. I’ve been traveling 2.5 months now and only now do I feel like I’m getting my footing and finding my flow. Much of it has been trial and error in how to adapt with this lifestyle and also quite a bit more realizing wherever you go, you take yourself with you. I’ve not shared much of the past two months because I’ve needed the time for myself to adjust, but luckily I did still document it! So that will still be rolling out, just a bit delayed.

Look good, feel good

I realized that my external environment has a huge impact on my internal sense of wellbeing. After a brief slump,

I started to pay attention to what makes me feel better—

And what contributes to my downward spiral. Enjoying my appearance is a huge part of that. Liking what I wear, wearing contacts, just generally feeling put together actually makes me feel more put together and in charge of my life. I’d like to think that was the last of my spirals, especially knowing that I can take a part in making sure I keep feeling good. I started to realize this last month and decided to donate the clothes that I just didn’t feel great in. So today when I walked past a local shop, I found some replacements— and things I truly feel good in. I’d love to design my own line, but until then I’m really happy with my finds. The shop was also very neat— half a resale shop and half that were textiles made by local artist. The clothing was a mix of embellished patterns on resale pieces and a few that were a more modern twist on some of the local textile styles I’ve seen around town in Guatemala.

What I’m learning in my first week living abroad

This journey has been incredible. I still cannot believe I am here. The first week has felt like an entire month has gone by. The sights, the sounds, but mostly the people are what are making this. I’m learning more and more that it’s the people that

It’s all about the people

Hands down, my absolute favorite part of my trip so far has been getting to know and spend time with all of the people I am traveling with for the year. Hearing their stories, their insights, their joys, their fears, their experiences, what they’re excited for, what brought them here, why they are doing this. People are incredible and these people are some of the most beautiful humans I’ve met. It’s wild to think I’ve only known them for a week. There’s something so unique that happens when you bring together a group of people, none knowing another, and throwing them into a new environment together— a sort of instantaneous bond forms. I’d been thinking I’ve never done anything like this trip before, but really, I’ve done it many times before. I did it when I went to intern at Disney World and worked with people from all over the world— no one knew a soul, but some of my best friends came from there, and I imagine some of my best friends will come from here too.

They are the most interesting part of this trip.

Peru: Wk.1 Travel Reflection

I’ve now been in Lima, Peru for a week and it feels like a month has gone by. It’s incredible to experience the passing of time in a whole new way going from Covid sameness to a world of newness— people, places and experiences. Here’s the highlights from the week:

meeting my TRAVEL FAM

I’m traveling with 15 other people in my immediate group. The first week, we only had 11 of us as a few were waiting on negative covid results after testing positive. They’ll be joining us in week-2. We will also be joined by another program who got re-routed since Asia is currently closed due to Covid. They’re a group of 22 so will add quite a few to our numbers. So far I’m so pleased with all of the people here. We gelled instantly and have had dinners and different bonding events every night of the week. Since this is a work and travel program, most spend the days working in the cowork space and then we meet up late afternoon/evening.

We’re super lucky this month to all be living in the same building, have a cowork space in the building and a restaurant & cafe downstairs. It’s super common to run into people in the elevator, grabbing a bite downstairs or at the workspace and connect. It’s lent well to impromptu walks, coffee/lunch/dinner dates and all around bonding! The other countries we visit, we’ll be spread across the city in different apartment buildings, so we’re really taking advantage of the time here to get to know each other.

first glimpses of LIMA

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

Zero to Launch: Day 001

— Friday, December 17, 2021, 12:30am —

Today started off strong, but now at the end I’m feeling exhausted.

Did I do better than yesterday. Yes. Was the last half frustrating? Yes.

My goal is to document as I go—

In theory, this is great. In actuality it makes 1 task turn into 10 tasks, with each being dependent on the other.

Create new website, film making the new website, create hub for sharing filmed content, editing/sharing filmed content, setting up accounts to share content, optimize shared content. I know most of this will get better as I go along, but what I’m most frustrated by is not even getting to the creative part I wanted to work on and being stuck in the admin bits of it. I know they’re required, but maybe too I’m jumping into them too quickly, trying to optimize them too soon. But I want to document this. I think it would be amazing to have a record of it. But even that process takes time and then coordinating when to edit it without having an entire stockpile.

I think I’m going to have to chunk my days and expect the journey to take longer than if I were just catapulting everything forward. It’s either that or do everything twice— once to completion and a second time as a tutorial. Which might not be the worst idea.

Basically, I feel in the trap of the logistics.

What went well today?

• Posted 3x TikTok videos (AKA overcame the fear of sharing! Cuz one was of me singing and dancing :D)

• Conceptualized direction of website & how to connect all my interests

• Landed on keeping my domain & handles as tara terpstra derivatives (double checked all)

• Making the homepage itself say, welcome to the tara portal rather than it be a separate project or pseudo name

• Came up with the tagline ‘Where dreamers come to expand their world.’ I’ll probably change it based on copywriting best practices, but for now I like it

• Chose a temp image for the homepage banner that closely fits my concept (only took like 2 min! go me curbing that perfectionism!!)

• Activated a patreon account

• Started list/rough video of SquareSpace tutorial content based on things I needed to look up/wasn’t super intuitive to figure out

Tasks & Thoughts as result of today’s activities:

• Patreon— NEED: Profile picture, banner, description to be complete profile. THEN NEED: Tier rewards & merch designs

• Socials— LIKE: Universal profile picture, banner and description across platforms to present a unified brand. Signal to audience they’re in the right place

• Share— SquareSpace tutorials videos, where to post/how to film (Is the one I did too rough?) Ultimately, I’d like to create a database to share all these tips. Like a quick resource guide on the fly, get to the point so you can get your answer quickly and stay in your flow. Maybe the easiest way to do this is to create a blog post about each one. Focus on building the blog first and doing video second. I can always come back and record the content on the blog and it will already be documented here. Wow did we just solve our problem by making this blog post!!

— MIND THOUGHTS—

I think I’m feeling the pressure of jumping into video. I love the idea of it, but the execution of it brings on so many skillsets that are new to me. Video editing for one, plus all the setup to actually get good picture— understanding camera settings, lighting, framing the composition, audio, getting all the shots to make it interesting, tumbnail images and outlines and scripting and soooo much, not to mention actually editing and posting the thing! It’s a bit overwhelming. I know it’s where I want to go with it, but right now blogging feels like it comes so much easier. Ha! I never EVER thought those words would come out of me. You’re funny universe. Okay so blogging it is. Honestly it’s great because I can write. Learn to outline my thoughts (or practice rather, for scripting), create graphics for the posts, use screenshots and articulate my way through the choices, thought processes, basically everything I did here. Okay cool, so that’s the plan.

Self-Love Progress—

Lol. Blank.